Endure Eternally
by Corrinth
Summary: The Doctor comes to regret that he must regenerate to save Rose's life. My homage to Christopher Ecclestone's Doctor, who in my humble opinion was way too short-lived. Bit of Doctor/Rose fluff, more to do with regeneration than anything.


Disclaimer : I own none of the following works. I bow before Byron and all the genius' involved in the creation and production of Doctor Who. I actually found the Byron quote on a can of Relentless. It struck me as cool. Meh.

Author's Note : One shot, bit of Rose/Doctor fluff, more to do with regeneration than anything else... The Doctor's reflections on his regeneration and his life. Also my homage to Christopher Ecclestone's Doctor, who was (in my humble opinion) too short-lived.

**Endure Eternally**

"_But I have lived, and have not lived in vain; My mind may lose its force, my blood its fire: And my frame perish even in conquering pain; But there is within me which shall tire Torture and Time, and breathe when I expire." – Lord Byron_

I am a Time Lord, the last of the Time Lords. I watch as the time vortex burns within my veins. Rose lies unconscious on the floor of the TARDIS. We are gone from where we were, but I hardly note where we are. Everything hurts, the vortex like a terrible fire within me. I have come to like this latest regeneration... I do not want to die.

I am also a coward. I could have destroyed the Daleks in a single act, if I had only had the courage to activate the Delta Wave signal. Of course it would have wiped out not only the Daleks but the majority of the human race and the last of the Time Lords to boot. But I am a coward. I did not want to become a killer again, and I did not want to die. Death stalks me like a predator, follows me like a shadow, and that is why so many people of so many races fear me. They are afraid I will bring about their destruction. But above all else, I am a coward.

At least I left Rose safe. But I was a coward their also. I could not simply order her to go – I did not want her to leave me in the hour of darkess – and I knew she would refuse, and so I tricked her into the TARDIS. I gave her a gift, sending her back to her own time and place – I gave her life. I should have known that she would never let me die alone. I had left her the TARDIS, commanding her to let it go to dust, and to live. For me. Yet Rose was ever the stubborn type. She returned to me in an act so foolhardy, so brave, never thinking of her own safety. She thought only of me.

"I want you safe. My Doctor." Was it Rose talking? Or the TARDIS? I love them both, more than life itself, and for her I was as brave as I could ever be. But there again, my cowardice shows. I have never loved one of my companions before her, not in the way I love her, but it took her act of sheer selflessness for me to pluck up the courage to kiss her. And now this body will die, burning for her in torture and time, and the time vortex will create a new body... but will that Doctor know her, love her, as I do? Will he be brave enough to take her where we both long to go?

She wakes slowly, as if with a pounding headache, unaware of how close she came to death, of how close I am to leaving her. I find myself making silly jokes about singing songs and scaring the Daleks away. She frowns at me, though whether it is her pain or disapproval that drives the look. I fear to say goodbye, for I am sure that the next Doctor will travel with her as I have, but as I point out to Rose, this process is a bit hit and miss. "But I have lived and have not lived in vain;" I keep reminding myself of that as I am besieged by a pain worse than death.

She longs to comfort me, but I cannot have her near me now. The expulsion of the vortex energy would kill her as surely as it will be the end of me. It could do much worse than that to me, as Byron would have said "My mind may lose it's force, my blood its fire: And my frame perish even in conquering pain" and oh, how regeneration hurts. There are no words to describe it, no phrases potent enough to give picture to the agony regeneration holds "But there is within me which shall tire Torture and Time, and breathe when I expire..."

I am a Time Lord, the last of the Time Lords, and I will endure...

"Now where was I? Oh yes, Barcelona..."


End file.
